There is anger and hurt in the forefront of Kell's focus, focusing so that the grief is kept locked away, locked away until he hears it from Rhy's mouth -- until he knows what happened. Until Kell knows what failure he committed that hand the King and Queen dead. Becaue the more he thought about it the more certain he became that it is the truth.
He bangs on Rhy's door and the moment Rhy would answer he pushes in.
"When were you going to tell me that the King and Queen were dead, Rhy?"
He had felt the seething anger and pain in his own breast as it had built, and Rhy knew that sooner or later, it would find itself to his door. The only advantage was the fact that he could control when the meeting happened. After all, he was certain his brother had no token to have magic carry him to Rhy.
But he knew this wasn't something he could avoid, and opened the door.
"Oh yes, hello Kell. It is a pleasure to see you brother, please welcome into my home and make yourself, comfortable," Rhy muses, voice bored as his brother strides in.
It's hard to give a bored tone when Kell is so angry. And when Rhy figures he knows why.
"Rhy don't play games with me," Kell snapped. There's an unease beyond the anger, a grasp on control of himself that isn't fully there.
"When. Were. You. Going. To. Tell. Me?" Each word bit out. He is clinging to the anger by a thread because he is not ready to let the grief in. He needs Rhy to make it real before he can.
"Frankly, brother, I was not," Rhy answers, closing the door and moving to a nearby chair to sit himself in it. The way Rhy sits, back tall, legs crossed, hands steepled before him... It's kingly. It's Maxim all over. "What is served by giving bad news that you are yet to arrive at? In you Emira and Maxim lived, I could remember them as they were. Would you begrudge me that? Clearly it is so."
Rhy manages to deflate Kell so quickly, his anger seeping away to grief but he struggles to keep it from taking hold so it won't resonate for Rhy in a terrible wave. It would have been easier if Maxim and Emira hadn't made amends, hadn't made him family. The token from Emira is in his pocket and his hand rubs the worn fabric. It's difficult to see Rhy with the air of Maxim about him.
"You would carry your grief alone, there for me to feel and not understand?" His throat ached and he swallowed as if that would make it go away. He sank down into a seat wearily, his hand rubbing over his face.
"I am sorry, your majesty," he words slip through his lips and it's hard to know how much is Kell and how much of it is his role as an antari speaking.
"Yes, brother. I would. You've carried enough sorrow, enough weight, enough grief," Rhy insists, staring up at him.
His own throat ached. He hadn't much time to grieve for himself, had been doing his best. But that was another thing entirely. He was a King now. He was meant to provide succor for the pain of his subjects. Of his family.
"I don't know when you are from, my brother. For all I knew you would not grieve, but might revel in it. My father and mother are dead, and..."
The pain swells in his chest and he pushes it down.
"And do not call me 'your majesty'. I am unmarried, Kell. And my secret is still more or less safe. Which means at the moment, I could choose to make you my heir. The Crown Prince. Just to amuse me. Don't make me do it, just to keep you from calling me that. You are my brother. You are Prince Kell Maresh, not Master Kell, and we are family. We are the sons of Maxim and Emira. And our parents are dead."
"I am supposed to, Rhy," Kell insists. It is what he is made for in a way, his place, through his own fault and at the same no fault of his own. His control on his emotions is slipping by the second and he tightens his hands trying to stave it away to let a little pain clear his mind, center him.
"We just left London..." Kell's throat tightened. Is that why? Is it because he left? Should have stayed behind, let the others complete the mission? Why does his chest feel so tight like he can't breathe? The other's threat fall on deaf ears really, and there is no protest to the prince or to being a Maresh. Maxim and Emira...he should have said more. Why couldn't he when Emira laid her heart bare?
"You should not bear this alone. I could never let you carry such a burden by yourself."
Kell exhales heavily.
"Will you tell me what happened? And if you do I have come across information that might soothe some another pain in your heart."
"Father would be proud of you," Rhy answers, getting to his feet, and moving to his brother, a hand on his arm.
"When I am, you have returned, Kell. And the three Antari united have stopped Osaron. Our kingdom is free. Through your hand. But... Things happened after you left, and I wasn't strong enough to save them. I wave never strong enough."
Kell's chest aches more soundly at that. It is all he can do to keep his composure. Here he had been trying to take Rhy's burden and he had only multiplied it.
He turns the words over, that he, Holland and Lila had worked together... That the kingdom was free, safe? But it had suffered such great losses. Were they his fault? They would never be Rhy's.
"Rhy... sons aren't meant to save their parents," he says softly. "You are strong enough to be what you are needed to be."
"You left because I wanted it," Rhy counters angrily. "Because we needed you to go. Because the point of Osaron wanting the Antari was correct. And still father had to buy time."
And it hurt. He'd WATCHED his parents die. And he didn't want Kell to suffer it.
There was no chance they would ever return in time.
"Don't judge yourself," Rhy answers, walking away from the offered hand. It can't take it. "It was well timed. A Faroan plot to assassinate Emira and Maxim. They waited for you to leave."
And their father had dragged himself to try and buy time, to die before Osaron so that Kell could save them all.
Of course his brother would speak that name. Alucard Emery. Could Kell even know that so recently everyone in this place learned of his intimacy with a man he had loved and desired, and never had a chance with? Had Kell learned this 'computer' stuff yet?
"Must we speak of him? You hate the man enough to not need to carry tales."
Kell flinches before he can school the reaction when Rhy ignores his hand. He drops it, hand slipping into the pocket of his coat again. He just shook his head at the explanation and he still felt the weight, the guilt of leaving, leaving them, leaving Rhy to suffer alone.
"Rhy," Kell's voice came out sharper than he intended. "I would not bring something up to spite you by maligning him in this moment."
For a moment, Kell actually wishes Alucard Emery was here. Perhaps he could be of better comfort to Rhy than Kell could ever be.
"He never left you," Kell says, wanting to cut Rhy off. "His brother found out about the two of you and told his father. His father was not very accepting and Alucard was beaten, his arm, shoulder, ribs all broken. He beat him until he lost consciousness. He woke up on a ship that had been bribed not to return to London by his father. He escaped at the first dock with very little coin and he thought he had no one to go home to, Rhy. He didn't know what you meant to him. He told me if he had known that you loved him as much as he loved you that he wouldn't have stayed away. He didn't leave you, Rhy."
Talk about a wound. The words cut him to the quick, and the agony rattles about his bones, not unlike his final breath after the blade plunged into his heart. Rhy Maresh, trying so hard to be strong like steel, like Maxim, Rhy Maresh trying to stay apart lest he broke something, like Emira, shattered. The ache is enough to stagger him, to bring him to his knees.
To think of Rhy Maresh, eighteen and so desperately in love. Whose lover had abandoned him, even after they had exchanged words he thought would show Alucard his love of him.
"Oh Kell, you cruel man. How could you tell me that?"
To suffer for the lack of the man he loved, far more acutely. To carry now the weight of three years of cursing Alucard for his absence. To know he could not have the man in his arms, perhaps not ever, if he never left this place. It tore at him as greatly as if the man had died.
As well as Kell knew Rhy, sometimes, Rhy surprised him. Somehow he had thought that knowing he hadn't been abandoned would be a comfort... Kell looks right miserable as he realizes how wrong he was and he's frozen in place for what felt like an eternity, watching his brother fall to his knees, the pain of his grief nearly enough to knock Kell over and he barely knew where his grief ended and Rhy's began.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, frozen for far too long. Then he slipped to his knees, reaching to wrap his arms around Rhy whether he liked it or not, holding tight.
"I wish that I could take all your pain and give you all my happiness," he whispers.
"Oh you cad," Rhy grumbles as he leans into the embrace his brother offered. Oh the weight of pain was so deep, and here was his brother, seeking to pile more on. "Can you not see, Kell? I have always wished you happiness. One of my first acts as King was to give you leave to travel with Lila. All I ever wanted for you, my brother, was to be happy. So do not take my sorrow, do not offer me your joy."
All he wants is for them to be happy. All he wants is love. And happiness. And good for his kingdom.
Kell felt like the wind was knocked out of him with that knowledge. That Rhy would let him leave and that Lila really would want him to go with her. A part of his heart soared at that knowledge and he instantly felt guilty about it.
Kell struggles to find any words, he feels too much and yet hollow at the same time. He holds to Rhy tighter and he's not sure if it's more for Rhy or for himself at that point.
"I didn't mean to bring you more pain," he says earnestly. "I thought it would be a comfort... and hope."
"And you allowed me to leave... I wanted to?" Kell is confused. There's a promise he made to be by Rhy's side when he became king. A part of him knew he always did want to leave, to explore at least for a little while and with Lila... He missed her already. He should have known how much pain he was bringing Rhy.
"There are some limitations. I do hope you do not go to Faro or Vesk, for safety. But yes, brother, I let you go," Rhy answers. "Is that not what one does when they love a thing? Let it be free. Father failed you. I will not."
How can he serve his king? Rhy rolls his eyes.
"First, do not refer to me as your king. I am your brother. And you will serve me by seeing the world I cannot. The crown is a chain, Kell. I am more bound to London than you shall ever be. You are my eyes, my wings, carried to places I shall not know."
Action
Date: 2020-05-10 09:55 pm (UTC)He bangs on Rhy's door and the moment Rhy would answer he pushes in.
"When were you going to tell me that the King and Queen were dead, Rhy?"
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Date: 2020-05-10 11:24 pm (UTC)But he knew this wasn't something he could avoid, and opened the door.
"Oh yes, hello Kell. It is a pleasure to see you brother, please welcome into my home and make yourself, comfortable," Rhy muses, voice bored as his brother strides in.
It's hard to give a bored tone when Kell is so angry. And when Rhy figures he knows why.
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Date: 2020-05-10 11:27 pm (UTC)"When. Were. You. Going. To. Tell. Me?" Each word bit out. He is clinging to the anger by a thread because he is not ready to let the grief in. He needs Rhy to make it real before he can.
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Date: 2020-05-10 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-05-10 11:35 pm (UTC)"You would carry your grief alone, there for me to feel and not understand?" His throat ached and he swallowed as if that would make it go away. He sank down into a seat wearily, his hand rubbing over his face.
"I am sorry, your majesty," he words slip through his lips and it's hard to know how much is Kell and how much of it is his role as an antari speaking.
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Date: 2020-05-10 11:41 pm (UTC)His own throat ached. He hadn't much time to grieve for himself, had been doing his best. But that was another thing entirely. He was a King now. He was meant to provide succor for the pain of his subjects. Of his family.
"I don't know when you are from, my brother. For all I knew you would not grieve, but might revel in it. My father and mother are dead, and..."
The pain swells in his chest and he pushes it down.
"And do not call me 'your majesty'. I am unmarried, Kell. And my secret is still more or less safe. Which means at the moment, I could choose to make you my heir. The Crown Prince. Just to amuse me. Don't make me do it, just to keep you from calling me that. You are my brother. You are Prince Kell Maresh, not Master Kell, and we are family. We are the sons of Maxim and Emira. And our parents are dead."
And he has borne the weight alone.
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Date: 2020-05-10 11:54 pm (UTC)"We just left London..." Kell's throat tightened. Is that why? Is it because he left? Should have stayed behind, let the others complete the mission? Why does his chest feel so tight like he can't breathe? The other's threat fall on deaf ears really, and there is no protest to the prince or to being a Maresh. Maxim and Emira...he should have said more. Why couldn't he when Emira laid her heart bare?
"You should not bear this alone. I could never let you carry such a burden by yourself."
Kell exhales heavily.
"Will you tell me what happened? And if you do I have come across information that might soothe some another pain in your heart."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:01 am (UTC)"When I am, you have returned, Kell. And the three Antari united have stopped Osaron. Our kingdom is free. Through your hand. But... Things happened after you left, and I wasn't strong enough to save them. I wave never strong enough."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:05 am (UTC)He turns the words over, that he, Holland and Lila had worked together... That the kingdom was free, safe? But it had suffered such great losses. Were they his fault? They would never be Rhy's.
"Rhy... sons aren't meant to save their parents," he says softly. "You are strong enough to be what you are needed to be."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:07 am (UTC)If he'd had something, ANY element of true weight, he'd have saved her. He knew it.
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:09 am (UTC)"Some things are meant to be, brother," he finally says, his voice low, pushing aside his grief to try and take away some of Rhy's.
"If you have any fault, I carry more for having left."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:11 am (UTC)And it hurt. He'd WATCHED his parents die. And he didn't want Kell to suffer it.
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:16 am (UTC)"Rhy..."
His hand reached for his brother's and he wishes there was a spell to steal away pain. He swallows and he lets the subject lie if Rhy will allow him.
"I know why Alucard left."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:20 am (UTC)"Don't judge yourself," Rhy answers, walking away from the offered hand. It can't take it. "It was well timed. A Faroan plot to assassinate Emira and Maxim. They waited for you to leave."
And their father had dragged himself to try and buy time, to die before Osaron so that Kell could save them all.
Of course his brother would speak that name. Alucard Emery. Could Kell even know that so recently everyone in this place learned of his intimacy with a man he had loved and desired, and never had a chance with? Had Kell learned this 'computer' stuff yet?
"Must we speak of him? You hate the man enough to not need to carry tales."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:24 am (UTC)"Rhy," Kell's voice came out sharper than he intended. "I would not bring something up to spite you by maligning him in this moment."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:36 am (UTC)But the sharpness sounds like his brother, truly, and Rhy turns his attention back to Kell.
"Then what point is there in talking? Alucard is not here. Again I am left alone."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:48 am (UTC)"He never left you," Kell says, wanting to cut Rhy off. "His brother found out about the two of you and told his father. His father was not very accepting and Alucard was beaten, his arm, shoulder, ribs all broken. He beat him until he lost consciousness. He woke up on a ship that had been bribed not to return to London by his father. He escaped at the first dock with very little coin and he thought he had no one to go home to, Rhy. He didn't know what you meant to him. He told me if he had known that you loved him as much as he loved you that he wouldn't have stayed away. He didn't leave you, Rhy."
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Date: 2020-05-11 12:58 am (UTC)To think of Rhy Maresh, eighteen and so desperately in love. Whose lover had abandoned him, even after they had exchanged words he thought would show Alucard his love of him.
"Oh Kell, you cruel man. How could you tell me that?"
To suffer for the lack of the man he loved, far more acutely. To carry now the weight of three years of cursing Alucard for his absence. To know he could not have the man in his arms, perhaps not ever, if he never left this place. It tore at him as greatly as if the man had died.
Another life lost to him, another thing to mourn.
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Date: 2020-05-11 01:05 am (UTC)"I'm sorry," he whispered, frozen for far too long. Then he slipped to his knees, reaching to wrap his arms around Rhy whether he liked it or not, holding tight.
"I wish that I could take all your pain and give you all my happiness," he whispers.
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Date: 2020-05-11 01:16 am (UTC)All he wants is for them to be happy. All he wants is love. And happiness. And good for his kingdom.
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Date: 2020-05-11 01:19 am (UTC)Kell struggles to find any words, he feels too much and yet hollow at the same time. He holds to Rhy tighter and he's not sure if it's more for Rhy or for himself at that point.
"I didn't mean to bring you more pain," he says earnestly. "I thought it would be a comfort... and hope."
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Date: 2020-05-11 01:37 am (UTC)Except when they did not. Except when they weren't ready for it. There is only so much to be done for it.
"I do my best, Kell, but I've a world to rebuild. A kingdom. A people."
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Date: 2020-05-11 01:41 am (UTC)"How can I serve my pr...king... if I'm away?"
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Date: 2020-05-11 02:12 am (UTC)How can he serve his king? Rhy rolls his eyes.
"First, do not refer to me as your king. I am your brother. And you will serve me by seeing the world I cannot. The crown is a chain, Kell. I am more bound to London than you shall ever be. You are my eyes, my wings, carried to places I shall not know."
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From:Sphere (Outside of Dome) - December 22nd
Date: 2020-12-22 08:14 pm (UTC)The gift is small and simple. It is a green jade pendant.
On the package is a note, written in Inesa's hand.]
To my favorite student.
Thank you for being my friend.
I heard that this is for good luck, I hope you likeit.
~ Inesa